fleshing out the drywall, the carpet, and the furniture

WHAT?

a meeting about putting people to sleep where i will likely fall asleep

he described the name of our project as a code name.  i'm not sure he knows what a code name is.  i mean we're not being subversive here.  we don't even have an ambiguous acronym.  we're not the IT project from U.N.C.L.E..  if i were to rename us with a rad acronym it would certainly include AF.

dude just explained the fucking metaphor he used before he used it, that was pretty meta.  the pilot metaphor...we're at 30,000 feet today.  "you just missed my soapbox" he says to the new entrant and then...goes ahead and restates everything he just said anyway.  there's a woman here rolling her eyes so fucking hard, i think i want to go ask her to adopt me.

he just left an hour before the end of the meeting so i guess i'll just go read slate for awhile.  i think they just said they used ipass in surgery so i'm totally on top of shit here.

gem

how big is the elephant we need to eat, here?

I AM A VEGETARIAN, ASSHOLE.

i know it's been a mome but

he just asked a clinician if he could squeeze their brain and i couldn't help it i was like dude that's weird and everyone looked at me like RITE?  AMIRITE?

he already started with the doc jam. damn. ooh! rhymed.

we're getting our hands around things.  i think maybe he meant wrapping our heads around things.  because otherwise we're kind of hugging things.  or strangling them.  or mauling them like bears.  vanilla based workflows.  are there other flavor bases?  is it like the frappuccino base where it comes in a weird silver bladder like the wine in the box?  we're going to push them down paths.  that seems rather aggressive.  can't we lead them?  i mean we're already wrapping our hands around them i feel like we should take advantage of that.

we're taking it down to kindergarten 101.  back to vanilla diagrams.  not vanilla based this time, actual vanilla, perhaps sans the wine bladder, some high class shit right here.  i really have wine in the box on the brain.  he wants to ensure that we aren't talking around ourselves here.  i imagine us all playing ring around the rosey in this scenario.  or maybe the exorcist, like my head is rotating 360 degrees while i talk to myself.  i could do that right now, i have a headache and feel like i'm going to die.  i could crabwalk backwards downstairs covered in vomit.  i wish he didn't talk about massaging diagrams.  why are all of his metaphors so visceral?  it seems odd to me since he's so buttoned up and cold, maybe he's actually a patrick bateman.

now he has all new moves

the project is both taking off quickly and taking off into flight quickly.  i am not sure i understand the nuance (I HOPE IT IS PTERODACTYLS) but he really wanted to clarify that in the same sentence repeatedly and awkwardly.  someone just referred to him as a 'lead dog' and man did he ever look pleased.  so we dive into things.  we dive into all the things.  we dive into the standard vanilla things.  why is there so much diving?  i wonder if he's aware that if you're saying quote-end-quote you don't also need to do finger quotes.  additionally it's unnecessary to preface something as needless to say, you can just not say it.  liar.

sorry i just zoned out looking at menswear dog for a bit there.  so sometimes he has to refer to a baby or a woman and he like freaks out and pauses.  'you've now delivered the...
...
...
baby' and there's usually some neat gestures that go along with it as if he were offering up the baby to the conference room, as you do.  stop calling the doctors doc stop it stop it please stop it they hate it you sound like an ass.

2 hours of webex. who knows how many feet we will travel to or what type of things we will put into the wind.

he just described the difference between discrete and free text to a room of MDs and phDs.  i actually felt the eye roll vibes through the phone.  earlier today i had to call a bar to arrange something for my running/drinking group and only after hanging up the phone did i realize that i called an irish bar on st patrick's day which explains the volume in the background and why the dude sounded slightly annoyed.  i'm some type of genius.  this meeting is a wasteland for jargon, PM is only introducing people and then presumably going back to reading one of his many how-to-succeed-in-X books and eating a clif bar.  is it at all appropriate to just wear my wireless phone headset into the bathroom?  i don't know what the range is.  ooh, so 'goes hand in glove' really bothers me.  it just sounds kind of skeevy and gross.  i also have no idea how he gets his hand in the glove while his finger is in the wind (especially if that finger is doing complicated math).

onto hour two.  i have high hopes for this one because i think it's going to be 60 min of straight project slides.  verdant pastures.

'it's a web-based site'  DROP THE MIC.

we're dipping our toe in the water of where we're headed.  so where we're headed is a puddle?  lake?  pond?  are we concerned about it's temperature?  why do we have to dip our toe in it?